Uncontrolable outcomes

Recently i have been trying to find myself. I have been going through alot of crazy drama and it usually ends the same. Different situations but similar out comes. All ending in drama and me being controlled by my emotions. So i sit up watching Martix Reloaded and Neo asked the oracle as she hands him a piece of candy "you already kno if im going to take it... but if you already know how can i make a choice" she answers "you didnt come here to make the choice, you've already made it. your here to try to understand why you made it." And then it made sense, because in each "relationship" i have i make the same choice. Kinda like references back to the movie. Bacially its a system happening over and over again, and i have to understand "mistakes" that i made even tho the ending will remain the same. I dont want to go into detail because i guess im still hesitant to throw my all into my blog. But lets just say I usually like the stubborn, the people who want to be chased.