my cake, and eat it too

I deal with emotions different then any one else i know. I tend to not let them see me sweat and its crazy. Situations tend to get the best of me but realistically people dont realize it. People always read me as not caring non chelaunt but on the contrary im the opposite. I think and over analzye everything. When u think i dont care its not that i dont its that im caring to much and caring to much about making it look like im not caring. If that makes sense...shit if i make sense. I have been trying to find myself my whole time here in NYC and through the ups and downs and occasional spins i think i find some type of stable relief. My main goal is consistence, and when i think i have it i tend to break away from it. Im my worst enemy because my life could be perfect, if i put 100% in any given situation. But i spread myself thin ie friendships relationships projects whateva. I see it as having my cake and eating it too. I never really got the actually meaning on the word play with that phrase. But i want what i want when i want it how i want it. Some see it as a problem but i see it as me. Currently im in a situation, dating... and its cool shes everything i could ask for. Smart, funny, sex is good... great... but i dunno i feel like im being distant now that i got what i want. And no im not taking about sex as in what i want. What i want as in full attention. Now im like ok im making new female friends and there interesting because they want to be chased. There interesting because i dont have them YET.