This is what a vacation should look like!

Kanye and Amber out and about on a lil vac! This makes me wanna Jet set a lil and find me a nice lil vixen to wrap up wit!

Do you heroes?

I do! heroes is my favorite TV show, its comes back on Sept 21st at 8pm season premiere! Finally the reason i dont work on mondays is BACK!

New Music Beyonce Poison

I think its going to have to grow on me but I can see my self wanting to listen to it one day!

I see you Amber!

When the smoke clears, I wonder if she can ever make a run after the Kanye "girlfriend" tag is off her name. If she was a vampire, i would so let her BITE me!

Haters on there job!

So last night/this morning was time of the "ex's". I usually play to win, if theres a challenge i want to take advantage of it. But i guess im growing into myself and just trying to break down and understand the situation fully before i act on it. "Born alone die alone" has always been my motto. I moved to NYC not knowing anyone and my roomate and his friends became my adobted family. They have been up here so they have had situations with girls and told me about who is who and jus basically the basics of a nyc chick. Which is fine, i used what they told me and then took my own outlook on situations. So story, i met this shawty had to be last year sometime. We chilled a few times and we was really really feeling each other. we sat down and bacially had a hour long conversation on what type of situation we wanted. Everything aligned everything was mutal and it was crazy that i found a chick who thought like me. BUT, theres always a BUT, she was "talking to some1" which never stopped me before! BUT she seemed interested in dude, and she was interested in me in the same breathe so i didnt kno what to do. So my inner "hater" came out. We all have it in us! I was like tell me more about dude hoping to find that entry way into her life with a flaw of his. In speaking to her i realize that this mystery man that she was speaking of is my old roomate! Which is one of my other roomates bestfriends. So i heard her spit this fake story that he was tellin her lies and all about his self, and i couldnt find it inside myself to be like oh thats a lie or he does this i know this ONLY because i knew him. But i did know he was talking to other people, WE werent "friends" and i seen him fucking with my roomates ex before so fuck it im still gonna go in on her. So i did, we popped off and agreed to stay in contact and remain consistant. She leaves, and im kinda like wow, what do i do. I went to sleep happy that night, on some yeah im bout to make this chick my shawty! I wake up to a text message "omg what did u tell ****" and i reply i dont even speak to him like that to say anything. So the story that i got last year was "he text me saying he knew exactly what i did the other day and he doesnt want to speak to me" and im kinda like ok? dont speak to him at this point. But she was caught up in his lies so i just fell back. I let her try to pick up the pieces with dude, but i was kinda like ok who in my house went back and said they saw her here? So i asked of course everyone was like not me? and acting surprised. So im telling her like no1 said anything to him maybe hes lying, then i was like wait maybe shes lying about it! i was soooooo confused about the whole situation. The funny thing is i chilled wit my old roomate that weekend we all went out and i seen her at the club, she didnt speak to either of us. So that made me think even more. We stayed in contact thru myspace over the year small messages. Hi, how are you and kept it moving. But yesterday i sent a paragraph in responce to a hi. I wanted to know what happened to that consistence that was suppose to be and i wanted to know the full story. So basically when my old roomate "found out" that i was chilling wit shawty he threw me under the bus, "oh. watch out hes a whore" ok? and thats your business because? So while shes telling me this story at 5am in the morning as we walk thru wash heights, cuz she doesnt want to be seen in my house im getting mad! I want to be like ol boy and throw him under the bus i want to say... thats not his real name, he moved outta the city because he got evicted, he got evicted cuz he snorts coke and lost his job, i want to be vendictive and play him like he TRIED to do me. But i just cleared my name and just let her know that people hate the great, and im doing it! But yeah the haters stay on there job friend or foe....

500 days of summer...

So it seems that when you find a situation that fits you, and is convient to your life. Something from the past always comes to slap you in the face. As of now im in a situation where im in a relationship, but i still go out and enjoy the "single life". Not sexually but my shawty doesnt party, so that gives me the oppurtunity to go out and just enjoy the new love club scene! So today i reconnect with.... "the best i ever had" i dont wanna get into details but jus say its "the best i ever had" for hours.... so me and shawty talked and bust it up and long story short we only was sex. This was years ago and i still rememer it, she told me that she would never do a relationship being she was in the industry, and a relationship is what i always go for. So we talk today on some catch up shit we laugh about the past and talk about the future and when talks come about the present shes seeing some1. Which made me think! Like hold on you didnt wanna date me? but your dating some other dude! She told me what bar she was going to in the heights with her dude, so it was only right i throw on the gucci by gucci and made an apperance. He was taller then me and slim old jordans on but she liked him. i dont know y it couldnt have been sexually. She just confessed to me as i did to her that the sex we had was the BEST. But i dont know what it was, may be it was the image if a tall basketball player walkin down the stret with her rather then a regular stocky nicca like me! maybe he had a degree or some thing else! it jus made me want to better myself, made me want to know what i didnt have that he had. Although my shawty is home sick in bed, im here thinkin about y another bitch didnt want me, or couldnt be in a relationship with me! what is wrong with my thinking. As of tomm im going to live in the present and forget about the past before im stuck in the past and the present leaves me hanging too..i . appreciate my situation and i dont want to fuck it up due to dwelling on some old p***y

We run this city...

SICKKKK cant wait for the video!

It all falls down....

So i have been in a mood all week. Over thinking and thinking and jus sobing! Finally time to give in! Im going to get a bottle and im just going to drink my night away and listen to my Amy Winehouse CD.

Love sick...

When im alone i feel like this, KARMA is a bitch. I guess thats why i am the way i am. "scared of being lonely" makes you do weird shit i guess. I have a shawty... but i still feel love sick. I dont kno why or for whom i feel this way. I feel like im not complete maybe im in the wrong situation, but when im with here im comfortable. I dont know why i jus get in blahh moods, I break down when im alone. I sit and think and thinking leads to thinking and thoughts of shit i shouldnt think about. Today was a day wasted i sat in the cribo all day until i broke down to get a drink! I remember when i used to envy those who could drink there problems away. i dont have a vice, not one that i could jus admit to as of yet! But being love sick isnt a good look, i gotta figure this shit out FAST!

my cake, and eat it too

I deal with emotions different then any one else i know. I tend to not let them see me sweat and its crazy. Situations tend to get the best of me but realistically people dont realize it. People always read me as not caring non chelaunt but on the contrary im the opposite. I think and over analzye everything. When u think i dont care its not that i dont its that im caring to much and caring to much about making it look like im not caring. If that makes sense...shit if i make sense. I have been trying to find myself my whole time here in NYC and through the ups and downs and occasional spins i think i find some type of stable relief. My main goal is consistence, and when i think i have it i tend to break away from it. Im my worst enemy because my life could be perfect, if i put 100% in any given situation. But i spread myself thin ie friendships relationships projects whateva. I see it as having my cake and eating it too. I never really got the actually meaning on the word play with that phrase. But i want what i want when i want it how i want it. Some see it as a problem but i see it as me. Currently im in a situation, dating... and its cool shes everything i could ask for. Smart, funny, sex is good... great... but i dunno i feel like im being distant now that i got what i want. And no im not taking about sex as in what i want. What i want as in full attention. Now im like ok im making new female friends and there interesting because they want to be chased. There interesting because i dont have them YET.

Integrity... or where the cash at?

Last night i was put in the only bad situation. I recently took on party promoting as a side job. i figured i love to party, and i love to bring people together so why not? I stopped inviting solo persons out for whatever reason and i concentrated on doing parties and hosting events for friends and people i know. Last night was no different, i received a text from a model agency sending models and i was hosting a party for my home girl. Now remember this particular job doesn't come with a hand book a list of instructions. So i went about with my night and went to go meet my group at the venue. I received a call from my home girl just saying that the bouncer walked up to her and her friend telling them they will not be able to enter the venue. I told her to just relax and i would be there in one second. I got to the club and waited for the rest of my party and made sure i had my models on deck. All in all we walk to the entrance and the bouncer is the same ass-hole from a previous venue! He's like call your boss, i call my boss out the venue to talk like whats going on? He basically tells me that hes going to be blunt, "2 people in your party is terribly ugly, get rid of your dead weight then you and your friends can come party". I will admit at first i was a bit taken back by how and what he said, but i was relieved that none of my party was there to hear him. I wasnt sure of what to do so he told me to bring them over and he would say who could come in and who couldn't! I told myself i would not put myself or my friends or anyone that invited out through that in any case. My integrity is too high to allow a job or a persons set of standards to allow me to hurt people in that way. I sat on it, i slept on it and I dont see it happening. I have friends that are beautiful models actresses ect ect. but i will not put my standards aside to only invite people out based upon there look. So sadly i think this venture in my life is over, i still have a few days to think it over but i think i am moving toward the right decision and not going along with the norm. Like WTF i used to work at hot topic imagine i invited my punk rock friends ughh! So im going toward integrity

Drake falls on stage

Drake performed at the young money show in camden. Its reported that doctors told him not to perform due to a injured acl. He performed and hurt it more as it seems from the video.

Let me hear you Acapella

As you already know i am addicted to reality tv! Making his band is setting up to be a funny season. But theres just something about seeing hungry musicans that make me inspired. Either way this is a clip of my favorite scene from the first episode. I was in bed, and i knew something was a little strange with Jaila lol.

Uncontrolable outcomes

Recently i have been trying to find myself. I have been going through alot of crazy drama and it usually ends the same. Different situations but similar out comes. All ending in drama and me being controlled by my emotions. So i sit up watching Martix Reloaded and Neo asked the oracle as she hands him a piece of candy "you already kno if im going to take it... but if you already know how can i make a choice" she answers "you didnt come here to make the choice, you've already made it. your here to try to understand why you made it." And then it made sense, because in each "relationship" i have i make the same choice. Kinda like references back to the movie. Bacially its a system happening over and over again, and i have to understand "mistakes" that i made even tho the ending will remain the same. I dont want to go into detail because i guess im still hesitant to throw my all into my blog. But lets just say I usually like the stubborn, the people who want to be chased.