Eyes wide shut

So today i kinda feel like its the first day of a new me. Kinda why i decided to reopen my blog and express what i cant say to people. I have been going back and forth with myself about one particular relationship in my life. Its the struggle between finding myself, my happiness and just completing myself. I was kinda stuck in the past, my emotions were trapped 4-5 years ago. Its kinda like i have been dormite due to the way a relationship affected my outlook on life. The chapter was never really done, i left it to be continued, not really giving anyone myself included the chance to grow. But now i realize that in order to be HAPPY in order to FIND MYSELF i have to move on. Its not fair for the people that are in my life, shit its not fair to me. Funny thing is I have conversations with the person who held my emotions, and i would be so defensive. So i dont care about whats going on in your life. So, i dont care that you moved on what about me? The answers i would get i blocked off, i got things from were are nothing alike. To... You want to experience the world, im a home body. The thing is i used to take those thing in and digest them so wrong, i would turn them into negative thoughts. Sometimes not even thinking about them at all and repeating the cycle of what about me. So now that i sat back and thought, it is about me. My life is about me, i do want to experience the world. I am completely different from YOU. AND whomever i chose to share a portion or the rest of my life with will appreciate that. So today is the first day of the rest of my life. As again i apologize in my head to all those who i have emotionally effected due to my waiting to fill the void i created and replaced myself.