Now i have to W-0-R-K

On my journey of finding myself i have dropped off alot of "dead weight". That includes people in my life and things in my life that didnt bring about a positive change. I moved to NYC to expand my creative talents some known and some unknown. In the past months i quit my "job" to work on my career. Im going through life each day experiencing NYC, and basically taking back my life day by day. Its funny because people dont know my real story, my true beginning. I always knew i was gonna be famous or had some other meaning for this world then to be working 9-5. As a teenager i shut myself out all i did was school and then work. I remember being like they going to the club, but imma write this verse or imma do this song and get on. All i used to do was music everything i was, everything that i stood for. Fastforward to now, i think a little different. But people still misunderstand but once again i know once i give them myself in my music they will be able to grasp what my life my thoughts and my outlook is. Now i party, i party for experience i party to network, i party to catchup! This whole week was a blur it went by so fast, but as i lay on this massage table spilling my life to this lady rubbing my back. She asks "what do you do?" and i said proudly "oh i own my own company" this wasnt the first time i said this as the answer to that question. But it was the first time where i meant it like i felt it. She replied "oh but your so young, how old are you". We had a small convo of no relevance past me realizing i have to WORK. Like work hard 2010 is approaching and i have a tentative schedule that i have to consider for my line, my brand and for me. Wish me luck

Eyes wide shut

So today i kinda feel like its the first day of a new me. Kinda why i decided to reopen my blog and express what i cant say to people. I have been going back and forth with myself about one particular relationship in my life. Its the struggle between finding myself, my happiness and just completing myself. I was kinda stuck in the past, my emotions were trapped 4-5 years ago. Its kinda like i have been dormite due to the way a relationship affected my outlook on life. The chapter was never really done, i left it to be continued, not really giving anyone myself included the chance to grow. But now i realize that in order to be HAPPY in order to FIND MYSELF i have to move on. Its not fair for the people that are in my life, shit its not fair to me. Funny thing is I have conversations with the person who held my emotions, and i would be so defensive. So i dont care about whats going on in your life. So, i dont care that you moved on what about me? The answers i would get i blocked off, i got things from were are nothing alike. To... You want to experience the world, im a home body. The thing is i used to take those thing in and digest them so wrong, i would turn them into negative thoughts. Sometimes not even thinking about them at all and repeating the cycle of what about me. So now that i sat back and thought, it is about me. My life is about me, i do want to experience the world. I am completely different from YOU. AND whomever i chose to share a portion or the rest of my life with will appreciate that. So today is the first day of the rest of my life. As again i apologize in my head to all those who i have emotionally effected due to my waiting to fill the void i created and replaced myself.